The fight

Created: January 18, 2025 6:51 AM

This tight invisible force, a seemingly shapeless burden between me and this imagined state of brilliance, I feel has form, face and intention. Although invisible to the eye, its real to the bare heart and the mind. It has the aggression of a sickly starving man. He is caused by the way I seem to conduct myself, the way I think, the way I respond to myself, in that sense he’s truly a consequence of my existence and created completely by manner of being. He shoves himself in my face and forces to me reckon with him every time I start doing the most important work of my life. Almost as a reminder to not pull him into existence, to not leave behind a trail of aggressive killer forces.

Let’s dissect his showing up, it really starts with a creative insight, a state I truly adore and I’m in awe, a vision or some words or even a motion picture of sorts come to me, and as I start indulging it more and teasing it into my reality, the fight begins, from far away it looks like feeling of resistance that swells and burns me up. There’s a few minutes of intense amnesia and I find myself either scrolling through a heap of X posts or reading or watching something I decouple with in an strange instant.